When my youngest son was 19 years old he started using meth. He told me that from the first time he tried it he was hooked. One day he came by to get something out of his room before work and he had sores all over his face. I literally felt sick to my stomach because I knew it was from using drugs. I just remember thinking that there's no way one of my children has ended up on drugs. For the next few days I put myself in robot mode and worked as much as I could. I did hair and owned a fitness studio so in my mind if I was listening to someone else's problems or helping someone improve their life then I wouldn't have to think about my son on drugs. The only problem is that even though I was somewhere else, my son dying on drugs was the only thing I could think about. I closed my fitness studio and quit doing hair so I could be home praying for my son all day, every day. I created an area in a bedroom and I would go there to pray for him all throughout the day. As time went on holidays became just another dreaded day that I would have to watch my baby boy sleep through and family gatherings were some of the saddest times for us. As a family, I think we did as well together as any other family but this situation took a toll on all of us; his brothers became angry and his parents (all four of us) were at a loss at how to handle him and the situation we were facing.
Looking back though I can see so clearly how God lovingly pulled all of us through and eventually put us all back in loving relationships with each other. People say that God won't give you more than you can handle but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that even though God didn't give this to us we certainly couldn't handle it on our own. I, me, the Jeni I know inside and out just isn't the kind of mother that can handle knowing one of her boys is on drugs and God knew that. I learned that I didn't have to handle it that God was there every second of the day; strengthening me when I was weak, holding me on the days I was falling apart and by taking me so much deeper with Him even through it all. Oh, when I was going through it there were days that I truly thought I was going to die and then there were days that I wanted to but now I look back and thank Him for the experience. Caleb is clean, has his baby back and is living a productive life. Things aren't perfect but our family is doing great and God has brought us all back together as a family living for Him. He is faithful, He is able, He is a good Father and He truly hears us when we call out to Him.
If you have a loved one that is battling an addiction don't go through this alone! Reach out to others that are where you are or have been through it themselves. If Satan can keep you isolated and alone through this then you will miss out on others speaking life into your situation.
You do not have to do this alone; let God love you through this ministry.